Sometimes, when we see someone we love going through difficult situations, our first reaction is to try to “fix” the problem. We do this out of genuine love and sympathy; we care for them and want to help make the situation better. However, what ends up happening most of the time is that the other person feels invalidated and their feelings overlooked.

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Think about this in the context of orphan care. Orphans are some of the most broken and traumatized individuals in the world. They have gone through terrible situations such as abandonment, abuse, neglect, or devastating poverty. Yet so often, out of deep love and a desire to help, people try to “make it all go away” by finding silver linings in their trauma or brushing off their pain. In reality, the good we are trying to do ends up causing nothing but disconnection.

Watch this short video by Brené Brown, author, speaker, and research professor at the University of Houston, on the subject of empathy…which is really the secret for boosting connection.

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